My favorite line is "In the purest white there is
a little bite of blue." It is a very strong beginning with it's vivid imagery.

I cannot say that I fully understand the rest of the poem, although I do see that it's about heartbreak. Because you only share a piece of the story, I feel like I'm listening to a secretive friend trying to explain a complicated feeling/situation to me. It as if you are holding back...Which makes it difficult to fully comprehend. But, if that's what you're going for, it works well in this piece.

The flow of the words are beautiful, by the way. I don't want you to think that just because I didn't fully understand the story that I didn't enjoy reading this. I did.

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it's spring when the world is puddle-wonderful

I do like your use of internal rhyme, but there seems to be an overall lack of substance here. I suppose since you filed this away in "scraps" that you as well feel that it is as yet incomplete. Still, I like where it's going and hope to see you work on it some more.

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Punknera is no more! I am now *ATrue.

may i just say 'wow' and collapse into a drooling envious heap?

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The Poetry.. That comes from the squaring off between.. And the circling is worth it.. Finding beauty in the dissonance.. -Tool

*VampireWriters *PoetryPlease *Writers-Workshop ~pakdeviants *ScribeSanctuary

This has a strong concentration of beautiful rhyme, but I wish you would have expand it a bit more.

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Dangers of Poetry: play it! flip it!

Lot's of meaning behind this seemingly flimsy poem. Thought provoking, beautiful rhyme scheme as *RickDanger said.

I would also like to read a completed version, seeing as this is submitted in your scraps.

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_{-
Don't you wanna' know how we keep starting fires?}

Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it This piece is definitely still in the works. The general consensus below seems to be that I need to expand the narrative a bit more, so I'm going to try to do that at some point in the very near future. Hopefully I will have a more comprehensible version for you soon!

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It's definitely not done. I want to add in a little more emotional commentary (I'm not sure about narrative - do you think in-depth context is necessary?) and a middle with a more regular rhyme scheme so as to make the last three lines pop more emphatically. Thanks for the comments! You have helped galvanize me to revise this.

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aww thank you!

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I definitely will. I'd like to add another three to five lines in the middle with a more regular rhyming pattern, and expand on the symbolism and emotions of the poem. I will get on it. Thanks muchly!

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